ROMANCE MATHEMATICS


Smart man + smart woman = romance

Smart man + dumb woman = affair

Dumb man + smart woman = marriage

Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy


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OFFICE ARITHMETIC


Smart boss + smart employee = profit

Smart boss + dumb employee = production

Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion

Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime


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SHOPPING MATH


A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he
needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that
she doesn't need.


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GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS


A woman worries about the future until
she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more
money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find
such a man.


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HAPPINESS


To be happy with a man, you must
understand him a lot and love him a
little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love
her a lot and not try to
understand her at all.


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LONGEVITY


Married men live longer than single men
do, but married men are a lot
more willing to die.


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PROPENSITY TO CHANGE


A woman marries a man expecting he will
change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that
she
won't change, and she does.


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DISCUSSION T! ECHNIQUE


A woman has the last word in any
argument.

Anything a man says after that is the
beginning of a new argument.


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HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU
ABOUT GETTING MARRIED


Old aunts used to come up to me at
weddings, poking me in the ribs and
cackling, telling me, "You're next."
They stopped after I started
doing the same thing to them at
funerals.

10:53 AM